Last fall was kind of like the movie “Groundhog Day” in my studio (except Bill Murray wasn’t there). My work felt stuck somewhere between I don’t really like this, I’ve painted this at least a thousand times before and didn’t Monet throw paintings out the window that got caught in trees?
My paint scraper seemed stuck on repeat. I felt like I had reached the end of something but didn’t know where to go next. Maybe I should give up painting like my friend who threw his golf clubs into the lake and never golfed again. But then paint brushes wouldn’t make such a satisfying splash.
I kept working, hoping for change and digging deeper into dissatisfaction. There was lots of hoping involved. (We all have our go to habits.) I knew I needed to do something different but it eluded me. No brilliant breakthroughs materialized. I wasn’t having much luck getting out of this paint smeared hole. I was stuck!
It’s not like painting is so different from the rest of life. Stuck happens. We get stuck in all sorts of places, in what we eat, how we spend our free time, who we hang out with, how we think. We often carry on in the same direction for a long time before the repeat cycle makes us feel a bit crazy. Boredom and dissatisfaction might overtake us until we live in a constant state of meh. Or we might feel like that black and white internet cat, Henri that suffers from ennui.
What we know for sure is that we’re in an uncomfortable place. We’ve fallen and we can’t get up. And that can be the good news. I know it doesn’t sound like it. But at least we know we’re on the floor.
And what do we do when we’re down there? Do we call for help? That’s not usually our first go-to. Most of us are in the habit of thrashing around for a good long while. We’re embarrassed to ask for help. We feel “less than”, a failure, even, if we need help. Most of us have a trolley cart of baggage around asking for help. We shouldn’t need it. We should be able to figure this out ourselves, right? You, you could ask for help, I’d be happy to help, that’s alright. But me, ask??
The idea to ask for help didn’t come to me all at once in a tidy sort of way. Sometimes the path is crooked. I noticed several artists that I follow online whose work seemed to have moved forward visibly after studying with a certain painter. I had a few conversations with a friend who had used a coach as she built her business. It’s a great idea, she urged. Hmm, maybe I could ask for help?
And so I began my one on one work with painter/ teacher Audrey Phillips. I knew I needed to work with someone whose work resonated with me. That Audrey used mindfulness in the classes she teaches made her a really interesting choice for me. Through conversations with Audrey I moved back into acrylics and discovered my love of mark making. Painting was fun and full of discovery again. And not to say that the mind didn’t kick up some resistance but that’s a conversation for another time.
So my question to you is, what do you do when you’re stuck? Do you thrash? Do you contemplate? Do you just hope things will change on their own? Do you ignore or deny or use distractions? We have a lot of strategies, many of them deeply ingrained habits. Or do you realize that everyone needs some help sometimes and this time it’s you?
My old Zen teacher taught a practice called asking for help where we just put it out into the universe and then wait and watch for signs and directions to emerge. It’s a good place to start.
After all that talk about changing up my work I am excited to let you know I will be posting some new work on paper on my website soon. Many of them are bright and colourful and feature my new love; mark making. Because I’ve been working a lot on paper (and loving it) this new release makes smaller works available at more affordable prices.
As always I love hearing from you! Share your comments below.
